This was published 1 year ago
Opinion
Michelangelo a genius? No, just a filthy little boy
Brad Emery
Freelance writerWhen you think of people who have profited from the legal sex industry, particularly pornographers, names spring to mind like Hugh Hefner, Larry Flynt, Ron Jeremy, Michelangelo, Botticelli, Van Gogh ...
Oh, didn’t you know? That’s right, some of the greatest classical artists of all time, particularly of the Renaissance, were actually notorious smut peddlers.
Pecker? Yes. Porn? Nah. Credit: AP
Well, at least to some infertile Floridian minds, where the principal of Tallahassee Classical School was forced to resign last week after a parent complained that sixth-graders studying art history were exposed to Michelangelo’s David sculpture.
A number of parents complained about the lesson to the school board, with one describing the sculpture as “pornographic”. The lewd lesson in question also included Michelangelo’s Creation of Adam painting and Botticelli’s Birth of Venus.
By that thinking, I guess all the breasts and bottoms on display make the Sistine Chapel the Pornhub of the 16th century.
Botticelli clearly had a fish fetish, painting his depiction of a nudie-rudie Venus standing in the shell of a giant mollusc. At least she was making some kind of effort to disguise the naughty bits with her locks. Unlike Leonardo da Vinci, whose most famous sketch Vitruvian Man should probably have been titled A Beginner’s Guide to Drawing Porn.
The Pornhub of the 16th Century. Credit: AP
Proud pornographer Pablo Picasso didn’t even bother to draw eyes on his Nude in a Rocking Chair, so obsessed as he was with getting the nipples right. And he also clearly had a freaky fetish for two-dimensional women. Van Gogh’s self-portrait, sans ear, was obviously just some sort of sick S&M role-play gone wrong. And as for his famous sunflower; well, OK, that was probably just a sunflower.
Obviously, protecting kids from adult-oriented material cannot be downplayed. Every parent should have the right to check and double-check what their kids are being shown at school. Indeed, there are some contemporary artworks that should perhaps be reserved for older students studying art for the HSC.
Everyone knows Andy Warhol liked a nice set of cans, however, some of his more edgy work would definitely fall into the MA 15+ category. And while Norman Lindsay’s The Magic Pudding is fun for the whole family, perhaps his more sensual sculptures of cavorting, topless nymphs and fauns are not suitable for story time at Aunty Jean’s kindy.
When extremism takes over, whether it’s the woke warriors of the left or the whacked-out fanatics of the far right, it is critical elements of our history and culture that suffer. It makes me wonder how these fanatical conservatives at Tallahassee Classical School teach one of the most descriptive pieces of ancient love art – Song of Songs in the Bible.
Vitruvian Man by Leonardo Da Vinci. AKA “A Beginner’s Guide to Drawing Porn.” Credit: Leonardo da Vinci
Song of Songs is a poetic ode by King Solomon about God’s bounty of gifts to him, including the beauty of a woman he loves, emotionally and physically. Solomon’s appreciation of his lover’s form is quite “descriptive” in several passages.
Obviously, it would be inappropriate to teach chapter and verse of Song of Songs in Sunday School, but one wonders how the good folk at Tallahassee Classical School handle this section of scripture if they consider Michelangelo a pornographer.
Cancel culture is the bane of the 21st Century. Perhaps one day we’ll see an end to these absurd antics by extremists on every aspect of our history, our culture and our day-to-day lives.
Until that happens, those interested in the art of the Renaissance may need to start looking for relevant textbooks and commentaries in plastic covers at dodgy backwater truckstops or check some of the more salubrious sex sites on the internet.
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