When you shouldn’t (and definitely should) use headphones when travelling

“I think it’s important to be aware of the energy you’re sending out toward other people,” said David Coggins, author of the New York Times bestseller Men and Manners. Using headphones “contains us into our own noise-cancellation utopia, but it allows us to ignore other people,” he said. “We still want to engage and connect.”

So when you approach someone, or vice versa, it’s “headphones out, not on my phone, sunglasses off,” Leighton said. That’s when you’re handing over your ID to a border security agent, scanning your boarding pass, greeting the flight attendant who’s greeting you or acknowledging the existence of your row-mates.

“When someone sits next to me on a plane, I look at them and smile and say hello to greet them,” Coggins said. “But then I look back away. None of the dreaded worst thing on Earth: ‘So, where’s home?’”

Just being no-headphones nice acknowledges that you’ll be crammed within proximity to each other, often for hours, “and that I would rather start off on the right foot,” Coggins said.

One bud out is a reasonable compromise

If you’re working with big over-the-ear, noise-cancelling headphones, it’s best to remove them or rest them around your neck when engaging with someone. For ear bud-style headphones, Coggins said, removing just one bud sends a message that you’re being courteous.

“When I get to the front of the line, I usually take one ear out so they know that I’m focused on them, and I say thank you,” he said.

Removing one bud is “enough of an effort to show that, hey, I’m going to pay attention and engage,” said Lane, who often does the same on her personal travels. “Removing both would be great, but, you know, removing one is okay. That’s acceptable.”

Keep phone calls and videos to yourself

What’s never acceptable is to allow any sound to project from your phone. Headphone use is essential if you’re going to be taking a phone or FaceTime call, watching videos, playing noisy phone games or listening to voice notes from your gossipy best friend.

While wearing your headphones at an ill-advised time may be rude to a few people you ignore, blaring a Zoom meeting to your neighbours is “a crime against everybody,” Coggins said.

The recent uptick in public speakerphone calls is particularly obnoxious. “A lot of people love to talk on their phone as if it’s a walkie-talkie,” Coggins said.

Do everybody a favour and put your phone to your ear the old-fashioned way, or plug in those headphones.

Don’t tune out the safety briefing

Even if you’ve heard the spiel a thousand times, if a flight attendant is standing in the aisle giving a safety demonstration before takeoff, you should listen to them.

“That is a courtesy, and also just for safety,” Leighton said. “It would be nice that everybody did pay attention, because every aircraft is a little different. Getting off a plane in 90 seconds or less does actually require team effort.”

Your flight crew will appreciate the gesture.

“It does take a toll throughout the day when I have to do that multiple times and I get ignored several times,” Lane said. “It’s frustrating because I’m there primarily for their safety.”

While flight attendants are in charge of helping you in case of emergency, airlines’ safety briefings are designed to help you help yourself.

Plus, “you don’t want to be in a situation where you’ve completely ignored them – you don’t even make eye contact with them – and then, heaven forbid, you need something while on the flight,” said Jules Hirst, an etiquette expert and co-author of the book Power of Civility.

Be mindful of exceptions

There is, of course, nuance to these rules. For example, autistic travellers may use headphones to avoid sensory triggers, and keeping them on at all times may be helpful when navigating loud, crowded places like airports and airplanes.

Don’t publicly shame someone for the behaviour; you never know the full story.

The Washington Post